Empty Nest Syndrome – a curious cure

My daughter is 12 years old, she has been the centre of my universe for 13 years. 

Perhaps even more so than usual because I am a single parent. 

Having her was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and when she was born I chose to focus all my energy on ensuring that she had the best and most loving childhood that I could provide. 

Luckily, before she was born I had started my own business so although I worked hard I could some times work from home and my hours were flexible. But as the years have gone by things have naturally started to shift and she needs less and less of my time.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t see this as a bad thing, I believe it is a sign that I have done an OK job, cause that’s what every mom wants right? For their kid to grow into an independent well adjusted young adult who is ready to take on the world and live their best life, yes? Yes. 

For that to happen by 18 years old, the separating out must begin around the age of twelve it would seems.. and I have found it harder than I imagined I would. Some times mom’s find it so hard that they unconsciously cling to their child, the unconscious carrier of her life’s purpose and meaning, finding ingenious ways to justify keeping the child dependent on them for all sorts of things. If you think about it, what started out as a necessity for the child’s survival has the potential to become a massive weight for a child to carry.  

So as our children grow older we have to start weaning ourselves off them or we will cripple them and they will “fail to launch” so to speak. Or if they do manage to fly the coupe, we as the mom’s end up with chronic empty nest syndrome.  So it may sound a little strange but what my expression of love for my daughter requires from me, at this stage of her life, is to let her go.. little bit by little bit. 

I realised that in order to do this I needed to take stock and work out what was going to be the new recipient of at least some of my life force. Where could I find new passion and bring meaning into my everyday? I needed to start living MY life rather than living in service to hers.  One of my favourite quotes is by Jung – 

“The greatest burden that a child can bare is the unlived life of its parents.” 

So I decided that I had better start getting busy with myself. This blog is a product of that process. I had never thought of myself as some one who would ever blog though I have always loved writing. But when Covid happened earlier this year I owned 2 businesses and both needed to shift online in a hurry.  I had no knowledge of how business works in the digital world. So because I am someone who loves learning new things and also realising that in order to stay relevant in today’s economic climate I would need digital skills, I started looking for an online course.  

Unexpectedly, one of the core focuses of my studies has been the idea that a business needs to be more than just about earning money.  I realised that to feel fulfilled in my life I needed to create a new business, one that was aligned with my purpose.   

The thing that gives me a sense of purpose is helping other people. 

And so given my situation of needing to start redirecting some of my energy from my daughter I have used what I learnt through the digital online course and decided to start this blog, a Facebook page and build a website (www.leannelogan.com), essentially to share my thoughts and ideas in the hope that some of them resonate with my readers and that I can help in some way… either with my experience as a parent, therapist and/or as an entrepreneur/business owner.  

So that’s what I’ve done, but there are so many ways that one can create purpose in one’s life… for example, getting involved in a charity that resonates with you, take up ballroom dancing or start art classes.  

As Dr Wayne Dyer said whatever you do, “Don’t die with the music still inside you.” 

So if you find yourself in the situation where you need to start weaning yourself off your child, for his/her sake and your own, please take some time to really ask yourself – “What am I interested in? What am I good at?” And then “how can I offer this out to others in some way that will be beneficial to them?” 

If you would like to discuss your business ideas please don’t hesitate to contact me, I love connecting with people and seeing if there is a way that I can help them to create a life that they love. 

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